I would be lying if I told you Adam & Eve’s Killer Bodies: The Awakening (2011) was good, but I’d also be lying if I said it was bad.
Adam & Eve’s Killer Bodies is a tease.
Now, sometimes a tease can be fun… but not in this case. Here’s the synopsis:
“Beth (Tori Black) has a perfect lifeâ€”big house, rich husband and not a care in the world… until they took her. In the blink of an eye, everything changes. Kidnapped and held at gunpoint, Beth is forced to endure a barrage of horrifying and erotic encounters. As she pleads for her life, Beth learns itâ€™s not her money the mysterious captors are after; itâ€™s her mind. The only way to reclaim her life and her sanity is to escape, killing whatever and whoever stands in her path. At the center of the mystery lies a secret deeper and darker than anything Beth could imagine. In the raw interactive revenge-thriller, viewers control the action and the sex scenes to help Beth teach the ultimate lessonâ€”revenge is a bitch!”
Rawr, right???!! And check out that cover!! Vigilante revenge girl ass-kicking!! Maybe even a super fun trio??!!Â And then there’s the promise of interactive DVD fantabulousity – what could this be?? Choose your own adventure?!! Maybe swap out killers or plots or something???
1. Tori Black plays a wifey who is kidnapped and tortured turned ass-kicker/killer, and she’s very good…
(pictured: Tori Wifey)
2. …but she’s on a solo mission. Even wishy-washy bad girl Alexis Ford doesn’t get on her good side. And although there’s a fairly awesome girl fight, there most definitely is not a vigilante trio of tiny-top wearing babes like we see on the cover.
It was misleading – tease!!
(pictured: Alexis Ford post-girl fight)
3. The whole interactive DVD thing just means you get to watch one scene or another at any given time.
So for example, there are four main kidnappers in this movie (there’s also one Big Boss, but that’s irrelevant here). At one point, they pair off for the evening. Viewers can either go with Couple A or with Couple B. Now, don’t worry – the un-opted for couple will still be there later… it’s just that you get to make choice (and fyi: if you’re not paying attention, the player will choose for you).
I guess I expected something more epic – tease!! (and kinda “ten years ago”)
(pictured: Tori Killing Machine)
4. One “interactive” choice was between watching Tori Black bang Randy Spears or watching Bree Olson in a scene from Adam & Eve’s The A Team XXX (2010), which was what our little married couple was supposedly using to get in the mood for the aforementioned banging. Bree Olson isn’t really in this movie; it’s just product placement.
(pictured: product placement at its most awkward)
And the movie drags at points and gets kinda melodramatic, and the whole Clockwork Orange-esque torture brainwashing thing goes on for way too long. The whole experience reminded me of The Hurt Locker (2008). Yawn.
There is that whole girl fight scene I already mentioned and a pretty epic car explosion and a big shoot out at the end. And the music is pretty awesome, and the kidnappers cruise through LA in a super cool car at night in the beginning of the movie… That counts for something, right?
The back of theÂ box is a better capture of what you get withÂ Killer Bodies – (cock)teased.
(pictured: Adam & Eve blurs out the naughty bits on purpose!!)
With Performances By…
Tori Black, Teagan Presley, Alexis Ford, Raylene, Brooke Lee Adams, Barrett Blade, Derrick Pierce, Randy Spears, Eric Masterson, Seth Gamble, and others.
(pictured: kidnappers, includingÂ Barrett BladeÂ – alwaysÂ good, even when he’s bad)
And don’t forget the tease-tastic trailer!!
And Hank? This pic’s for you, my friend ;)
You may quote anything hereinÂ with the following attribution: â€œReprinted from Porn Valley Vantage/PVVOnline, copyright Â© Chauntelle Anne Tibbals, PhD (www.PVVOnline.com).â€