So I decided to lift my spirits a little and watch Wicked Picturesâ€™ Boobwatch (2011). It looked funny.
This is what the box copy said:
â€œThe sexy stars of Boobwatch aren’t just teaching water safety. They’re ready to school you on the fine art of random sex. Backyard BBQs, bathtub antics, and driveway car washing are just a few ways these beach bound babes will save the worldâ€¦ one orgasm as a time!â€
Boobwatch parodies the silliness that was/is the most watched television show of all time, â€œBaywatchâ€ (1989-1999)… but only sort of. The film opens with a very â€œBaywatchâ€-esque sequence â€“ beach and ocean shots, seriously cheesy 90s-sounding music, and lifeguard-costumed starlets running in slow motion.
And then the sun comes up, and Alektra Blue, Boobwatchâ€™s head guard, speaks.
â€œPatrolling our nationâ€™s beaches from unseen dangers like drowning, lack of improper sunscreen, and extensive amounts of sand in oneâ€™s bathing suit bottoms is a job not for the weak of heart. All of this falls onto the soldiers of a true unsung hero â€“ the lifeguard.
My name is Alektra, and I have taken it upon myself to not only keep our beautiful nationâ€™s beaches safe, but to take my extensive three-day lifeguard certification and extend my jurisdiction to our defenseless suburban neighborhoods as well. With the help from my team of highly skilled and extremely busty lifeguards, we will help the helpless and defend the weak from beach-like dangers. For this is our story.â€
Oh my gosh, the high drama campy ridiculousnessâ€¦ and then Alektra is running. Again. In slow motion. On the beach. Toward the camera.
Itâ€™s incredible. And hilarious. And incredibly hilarious. (no joke)
In order to maintain this already high bar of camp hilarity, viewers are presented with a quintet of the most ludicrous water- and sorta water-related rescues imaginable. Because they are so amazing:
One â€“ Alektra narrowly saves Rebeca Linares and Danny Mountain from a dangerous weenie roastâ€¦ in a backyardâ€¦ because sheâ€™s trying to protect the beach from open flames. And then they have sex.
Two â€“ Jayden James employs her CPR training and resuscitates Tommy Gunn from chokingâ€¦ on a flyâ€¦ that he swallowed while working out. Because thereâ€™s an outdoor gym in Venice, and thatâ€™s somehow interconnected to lifeguarding and to Tommy Gunn (who, incidentally, was working out indoors)? And then they have sex.
Three â€“ Lisa Ann, clever minx, saves Rocco Reed from shark-infested watersâ€¦ in a bubble bathâ€¦ because â€œno body of water is safe without a lifeguard.â€ And then they have sex. (you get the idea that this is what she had in mind all along)
Four â€“ Carolyn Reese not only saves Dan Cross from drowning in a pail of potentially hazardous carwash water (“you never know when it might splash!!”), she substantiates Tommy Gunnâ€™s fantastical tail of a hott lifeguard â€œencounterâ€ in the gym (scene two). And then they have sex.
Five – our heroic head guard Alektra returns to save Chris Johnson from drowning in a poolâ€¦ that heâ€™s not even in (because heâ€™s laying out). And guess what? Then they have sex.
Collectively, the entire thing is a-ma-zing.
Each guard carries a rescue can and wears a red one-piece swimsuit (totally regulation). Each guard also has her own shiny gold whistle, the blowing of which announces her respective entranceâ€¦ errâ€¦ rescue.
And each guardâ€™s appearance on the scene is slow-motion mega awesome set to some pretty incredible/ridiculous surf music. Whatsmore, to add to the already overwhelming silliness, our busty civil servants make their slo-mo tracks in some pretty severe, and pretty severely cute, heels… well, all except for Jayden James – she wears sneakers. (watch out Alektra – she’s gunning for your job!!)
In my humble opinion, Lisa Ann delivers the best lifeguard camp, but each scene is really unique and hysterical. Honestly â€“ I laughed out loud. A lot.
But thereâ€™s more to Boobwatch than just boob watching. Wicked Pictures and filmmaker Jonathan Morgan engage a US and global cultural icon in order to poke fun atâ€¦ themselves. They create a parody version of â€œBaywatchâ€ that recreates many classic porn clichÃ©s a la â€œIâ€™m here to deliver a pizza/fix a photocopier/save your lifeâ€¦ and then weâ€™ll have sex.â€
Boobwatch is hilarious and fun and sexy. Itâ€™s also an excellent parody. Although giving us a pornified version of Mitch and CJ and the rest of the gang would’ve been awesome, Boobwatch uses the source material to deliver something new and fresh (which exemplifies parody at its finest and most complex)â€¦ and have a little fun at their own expense.
Recommended for: â€œBaywatchâ€ aficionados, lifeguards, and that guy/girl whoâ€™s waiting for the day when some hott chic comes up and says: â€œNice shoes. Wanna fuck?â€ â€¦and means it.
Girls: Alektra Blue, Lisa Ann, Rebeca Linares, Jayden Jaymes, and Carolyn Reese
Guys: Tommy Gunn, Rocco Reed, Dane Cross, Danny Mountain, and Chris Johnson
Directed by Jonathan Morgan for Wicked Pictures
Released on April 6, 2011. Buy your copy of Boobwatch (2011) here.
BTS and Extras: Wicked is always great about doling out the bonus scenes, and Boobwatch doesnâ€™t disappoint with a bonus three-way featuring Alektra Blue from Anarchy (2011). Boobwatch also includes some standard still galleries and whatnot.
And if you would like to read more about the finer points of parody as a craft and parody within the context of adult, check out PVV three part series: background here, funny parody here, and serious parody here.
* * *
Questions? Comments? Email me!!
If you luv PVV, why not enter this month’s Screener Surprise? Fight piracy, get porn!!
You may quote anything herein with the following attribution: “Reprinted from Porn Valley Vantage/PVVOnline, copyright Â© Chauntelle Anne Tibbals, PhD (www.PVVOnline.com).”