Director Lee Roy Myersâ€™ The Human Sexipede (2010), a parody of Tom Sixâ€™s controversial 2009 Dutch horror film The Human Centipede, opens with the two starlets (Sunny Lane and Danica Dillan) finding themselves in the â€œHasselhoff Hotelâ€ discussing their prospects of â€œfinding some boysâ€ in Germany.
The gals, as we find out, have traveled to Germany in search of â€œa man who can keep up with [them] sexually,â€ as they have already fucked their way across the United States and found their voracious appetites continually disappointed.
Traditional horror tropes are quickly lampooned in the filmâ€™s opening dialogue as the women give some humorous foreshadowing by explaining that, at this point in their lives, being unable to be sexually satisfied is the most horrifying thing they have ever experienced. The following exchange then takes place:
â€œSpread your wings and fly with me!â€
â€œLike a human butterfly?â€
Then itâ€™s time for sex.
The first sex scene opens with the Danica and Sunny joking about not being satisfied by men, so theyâ€™ll have to settle for satisfying each other. Danica attempts to remove Sunnyâ€™s brassiere but fumbles around with the clasp.
â€œI know I taught you better than that,â€ Sunny says. â€œYou can do it with one hand.â€
â€œNo I canâ€™t,â€ Danica says.
The exchange reminds of dialogue from a generic teen-oriented sex-comedy where the fumbling male virgin is unable to successfully remove his would-be female sex partnerâ€™s bra, except that in this case there is a gender reversal of the expectation, and the male is excised from the equation altogether. Even more, the failure of an entire countryâ€™s male population to prove capable of being adequate sexual partners is what drives these two women to have sex with each other in the first place.
The scene proceeds and a bag of dildos makes an appearance; and then the cunnilingus begins, first with Sunny performing on Danica, later with Danica reciprocating.Â Both ladies become quite lubricated during the act, though, to be honest, the verisimilitude of Danicaâ€™s enjoyment is much more convincing than Sunnyâ€™sâ€”though Sunny Lane fans will surely enjoy the scene anyway.
Later in the scene, Sunny goes to bag of â€˜dos and pulls out a rather large one. â€œI know how much you love sparkles,â€ Lane says.Â This was slightly confusing for me, however, as the dildo she has selected isnâ€™t particularly sparkly. Perhaps it is just character development thrown into the dialogue, meant to let us know just how much Danicaâ€™s character actually loves sparkly things?
In any case, the dildo gets used and then itâ€™s time to â€œScissor it up!â€ My favorite quote from this part of the scene: â€œI can feel the energy in your pussy!â€
The ladies orgasm after some more sexy-time stuff (â€œAh! There it goes!â€ is apparently how Laneâ€™s character orgasmsâ€”multiple instances of this) and the first scene ends with them lying in bed next to each other, both looking somewhat contented before appearing wistful. The camera pulls back as the couple channels Dustin Hoffman and Katharine Ross from the final shot in The Graduate (1967)â€”the duo remains unsatisfied.
Quickly, the women proceed to lurk the online â€œPersonalsâ€ listings. Particularly the â€œGerman-Berlin-Personals-Backpackers Seeking Localsâ€ section of the website (what a fantastically specific subcategory!). The ladies settle on an ad which is titled: â€œMad Doctor Type (Der Valley).â€ The text of the ad: â€œIâ€™m looking for a couple of sexy tourists who just want to get down and dirty for a long period of time. If this is you, then letâ€™s get freaky!â€
As Laneâ€™s character notes: â€œWhat could possibly go wrong?â€
Cut to the next scene where our ladies are meeting the â€œMad Sexual Scientistâ€ Dr. Heiter, played here by veteran Tom Byron (Dr. Heiter is also the name of the mad scientist from the parodyâ€™s source material. Funnily, Dr. Heiter in The Human Centipede is played by actor Dieter Laserâ€”which strikes me as a much more likely porn star name).
â€œSo let me get this straightâ€”youâ€™re the guy who wants to get freaky?â€ Laneâ€™s character asks the doctor, her gaze skeptical.
Byron: â€œYou have no idea.â€
â€œSo you like to party?â€ Dillan asks.
â€œI love to party,â€ Byron says in an amusing mock-Germanic accent. He proceeds to snap on a party hat and blow a party whistle. â€œVery much. I am world-renowned sexual scientist Dr. Heiter, and Iâ€™m telling you, no one in the world can get as down and dirty as I can. Iâ€™m so dirty that the girls from 2 Girls 1 Cup have to tape their reactions of when they watch me.â€
This was my first time watching Byron in a film, and I was genuinely surprised at the subtlety he brought to the role. Granted, itâ€™s a pornographic-type subtlety, but it is still appreciated for the surprising quirkiness he brought to the role of the former â€œMad Sexual Educatorâ€ turned â€œMad Sexual Scientist.â€
The girls then attempt to perform oral sex on the good doctor near straight away, but he instead holds them off with promises of taking them down to the basement. The next scene opens with Lane and Dillan wearing hospital gowns, in separate beds, with their hands restrained behind their heads. The ladies are introduced to the male-third of the soon-to-be Sexipede, Mr. Keni Styles, in a rather quirky manner which displays more of the dry humor that has been found so far.
The rest of the movie proceeds in a similar mannerâ€”thereâ€™s a flashback scene explaining why Dr. Heiter (Bryon) does what he does, and then some auxiliary sex scenes featuring cameos help round-out what little plot occurs during the filmâ€™s 135 minute runtime. While I found the later sex scenes compelling (and cameos are made by porno notables Amber Rayne, Jynx Maze, Kaci Starr, Evan Stone, and Jordan Ash), the first scene, with Lane and Dillan, really seems to be the â€œhottestâ€ of the bunchâ€”so if youâ€™re into girl-on-girl and sex entertainment is all you’re looking for, the opening scene might be the only thing you want to stick around for.
While Sexipede offers solid production value and directing, the sex scenes are, in the end, almost forgettable when compared to the performance put on by Byron as the mad Dr. Heiter. When the film ends and he towers over his new creation, he pats himself on the back (literally) and croons, â€œAh, my sweet Sexipedeâ€¦ you will now have a life full of sexual gratification.â€ The Sexipede is then revealed: Laneâ€™s face is surgically attached to Dillanâ€™s crotch; Dillanâ€™s face is attached to Stylesâ€™ phallus; and Stylesâ€™ face remains unencumbered at the front of the Sexipede. Dillan and Laneâ€™s charactersâ€™ facial expressions are hard to discern, as they are both resigned to performing continual oral-pleasure for the duration of their existences, but the film concludes with a clearly very happy Styles.
While the explanation for Byronâ€™s character using two women and one man to form the Sexipede, as opposed to two men and one woman, is provided during one of the filmâ€™s flashback sex-scenes, I saw no reason why Stylesâ€™ male character had to be on the purely receiving end of the Sexipede as its â€œhead.â€ In The Human Centipede, one of the female leads is placed specifically in the middle of the centipede as a punishment for a botched escape attempt, but in Sexipede, there is no such reason given as to why Styles does not portray the mid or end sections of the centipede.
An obvious answer, of course, is that the idea of full-time fellatio is meant to be sexually stimulating for the presumably male audience; even with this explanation, however, there is no reason why Styles couldnâ€™t be in the middle of the â€˜pede, providing continual cunnilingus in return for his lifetime of fellatio-generated pleasure.
In spite of Sexipedeâ€™s faults, however, the film remains endearing. It is genuinely funny, it is well shot, and the acting (well, mostly Byron) is surprisingly good. Also, itâ€™s a porn, so if nothing else, you can still watch the actors bang for a good while. Given the filmâ€™s source material, it could be said that the film is geared toward those who enjoyed Sixâ€™s Centipede; however, Centipede is a straight-up body horror film, and Sexipede was hardly horrific in any sense. Instead it was charming and clever, putting it squarely into the humorous, â€œpureâ€ parody category.
Recommended for: Enjoyment could certainly be gleaned from the sex scenes, but it definitely isnâ€™t the hottest porno around. Still, for a (possibly stoned) horror fan looking for some pornographic amusement, or a (possibly stoned) couple looking for a funny and erotic night in, or possibly a trio of brave souls looking to emulate something new and crazy, Sexipede should adequately deliver.
Girls: Amber Rayne, Danica Dillan, Jynx Maze, Kaci Starr, and Sunny Lane
Guys: Evan Stone, Jordan Ash, Keni Styles, and Tom Byron
Directed by Lee Roy Myers for Tom Byron Pictures.
The Human SexipedeÂ (2010) released in September, 2010. Buy yoursÂ here.
Behind The Scenes: OMG!! – Lane reveals that her fans want her to â€œsuck more balls;â€ some cast and crew members reveal that they think source material is gross, but itâ€™s a horror movie and they share a sort of reverence for it; and Byron appears with his goatee and explains how heâ€™s going to shave it off, then he proceeds to do just thatâ€”on camera!
– Anderson R
Images courtesy of Tom Byron Pictures.
Anderson R is a writer, trying to make a living after finding out that a Bachelorâ€™s degree doesnâ€™t mean much in the current economic climate. Lucky for him, he found PVV and now has an outlet to write about porn on the same internet where one can find so much of it. A major theme he likes to explore in his writing is the relationships occurring between genders â€“ especially role-reversals ofÂ stereotypical,Â gender-normative traits. Follow Anderson on Twitter atÂ @AndersonR_PVVÂ and/or email himÂ here.