In the interest of sharing what I’m watching while crocheting this holiday season, I give you: Inglorious Bitches, This Ain’t Jaws XXX, and Brooklyn Egg Cream on the Roxxx…
Inglorious Bitches (2011)
Whooooosh!! Director Max Candy went all-out with this production for European-based studio, Marc Dorcel. Inglorious Bitches (2011) is a mega-budget XXX adaptation of Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds (2009).
Now, I know that I saw the source material in the theatre, but I don’t really remember what went on… I also know that there just had to be some missteps in terms of period piece authenticity (right..?) Further, there were a couple moments where I couldn’t exactly follow the plot line, but none of that matters – Inglorious Bitches was hott as fkkk!!
Here’s the synopsis:
Directed by multi awarded Max Candy, Inglorious Bitches stars an army of renowned beautiful and glamorous girls, Tarra White, Aleska Diamond, Anna Polina, Suzy Carina and Cindy Dollar, amongst others, who ferociously fight for peace. Explosions, tanks, orgies, girl fights… The 250.000 feature is set in astonishing decors recreating a World War II atmosphere, where two young women (Anna Polina and Tarra White), who saw their lover killed by the enemy, join the resistance and recruit former prostitutes to train to become formidable fighters, experts in arms and charms. Running a brothel frequented by the non-commissioned officers of the enemy, our ladies of the resistance receive strategic information by occupying and preparing a secret operation that could change the course of the war. Orgy scenes with dozens of participants, torrid threesomes, fetishists, uniforms and lesbians: all is here to make a grand movie.
I loved: the costumes and the sets and the staging, the fight-training montages and the idyllic “memory” sequence, the soft smeary lighting in many of the scenes, and the gorgeous European performers. Generally, it distracts me when I am unfamiliar with performers – I want to know who So-and-So is – but in this case it was fantastic. My unfamiliarity allowed me to simply enjoy the film.
I also loved that you could get overdubbing and subtitling in, like, ten total languages AND that the DVD offered a digital copy of the film – awesome!!
With performances from Anna Polina, Tarra White, Aleska Diamond, Cindy Dollar, Suzie Carina, Jenna Lovely, Defrancesca Gallardo, Eufrat, and so many more (see full list on IAFD here).
This Ain’t Jaws XXX (2012)
Oh what fun, a Hustler/Adam & Eve campy parody of Jaws (1975)!! You might be wondering how this is gonna work out…
There’s not much available in terms of a synopsis or plot – it’s Jaws (you already know what happens) but lightened up in really fun way. The characters in Jaws XXX don’t go through the same deep psychological struggles that their source material counterparts do. Rather, we get lots of fun with Dale DaBone as the Brody character, Evan Stone as a painfully hilarious rendition of Quint, and Alexis Ford as Hooper – perfect, and perfectly wtf!!
There’s also campy town politics, beautiful oceanside settings, AMAZING(ly hilarious) shots on the research/hunting boat, and the most epic of special effects sharks. And it’s all in 3D.
(pictured: way better than I expected)
With performances from Alexis Ford, Darcy Tyler, Jayden Cole, Lily Labeau, Phoenix Marie, Dale DaBone, Danny Wylde, Evan Stone, and Rocco Reed.
Directed by Stuart Canterbury. Released in January, 2012. Buy your copy here.
For more reviews of Hustler content, go here.
Brooklyn Egg Cream on the Roxxx (2012)
Just one sip and you’ll flip!
Aidan gets eggcited! Rachel’s rump roasted! Creampie for Angelina! Brooklyn tosses salad!
Ok, so “objectively” this movie was just fine: classic gonzo styling made to look like director Seymore Butts is filming daily happenings in his home. In that sense, the production was well done.
But I still didn’t like it.
This whole shtick feels very dated to me, too ten-years-ago conceptually and way too “8th grade” in its humor. I understand that there’s a lot of nostalgia and celebrity associated with Seymore, but that’s kinda lost on me… Regardless, if you like this sorta thing, you will enjoy this title.
(pictured: the whole feel just doesn’t flow)
On a side note, something about Angelina Valentine is very interesting to me. Everything about her is so over the top – her hair, her nails, her acrobatics, her ink… even her tiny size is SO small. It makes me wonder about personality and performance (among many other things).
In sum: there just wasn’t enough Brooklyn in this Egg Cream.
With performances from Aiden Aspen, Angelina Valentine, Brooklyn Lee, Kelly Klass, Rachel Roxxx, Criss Strokes, Prince Yahshua, and Tom Byron.
Released in March, 2012. Buy your copy here.
(pictured: more Inglorious Bitches because it’s beauuutiful!!)
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Images used with permission from Adult DVD Empire and Max Candy/Marc Dorcel.
You may quote anything herein with the following attribution: “Reprinted from Porn Valley Vantage/PVVOnline, copyright © Chauntelle Anne Tibbals, PhD (www.PVVOnline.com).”