Review Haiku – DreamZone Entertainment’s Hairy Twatter (2012)

Hairy Twatter?

Reeeally, DreamZone – Hairy Twatter?!!

Oh dear… But I’ve been out of town and I’m tired and I love love love Harry Potter, so why not?

I recently received a screener for DreamZone Entertainment’s newest parody, Hairy Twatter (2012)… in search of bush!!

Apparently, “[t]hese are indeed some magical times at the Whore’s Wart’s School for Witches and Wizards. But the one thing disturbing the male population is that none of the females have any hair on their twats. Harry, being the most powerful wizard at the school, experiments with dark magic in hopes of big bushes. The results are quite hair raising.”

I guess even witches and wizards (eventually) get sexually curious, right? Here’s the trailer:



You’re amazed, aren’t you? Well, don’t be.

Hairy Twatter isn’t bad… it’s just silly. Like, silly-bordering-on-ludicrous silly. The accents are laughable, sometimes there and sometimes not, but always hailing from the Madonna Land of Inconsistent and Make Believe… (because, just like Hogwart’s, Whore’s Wart’s is a real place!!)

And the twats weren’t exactly what I’d call hairy. There were a couple David Silvers – long on top and shaved on the sides and around back – and Tara Lynn Foxx looked like she stopped her hair removal a few days too late to make “Luder” Hairy Twatter-authentic. In fact, Sammy Grand’s “Winey” was the only Twatter girl who seemed fully impacted by the spell. But to be fair, some degree of bushiness is displayed by each lady in this film, the diversity of which might appeal to an array of aficionados.

So yeah – not the most clever of parodies, thrilling of films, or transgressive of porns… but whatever!!

The spell is funny, written on par with the best Harry Potter magic…

For this bald pussy, I do not care. Give me much much hair!

Do it now, do it in rush: give me a big big bush!

…and Seth Gamble was almost distractingly hilarious looking as everyone’s favorite rogue wizard.

 (pictured: …am I right??)

And apparently, sometime last week, DreamZone Entertainment’s Vice President Adam Hasner received an email from a wizard named Professor Sneep. Sneep expressed his extreme displeasure over Hairy Twatter (read: wanted a free advanced screener) and directed his wrath at Adam by magically embedding a potent squirrel spell into the message. (here)

Here is photographic proof of the spell’s dastardly (and f’ing hilarious) results:

(pictured: if you knew this guy Adam, this image would kill you)

So yeah… Hairy Twatter – enjoy!!


With Performances By…

Tara Lynn Foxx, Katie St. Ives, Seth Gamble, Sammy Grand, Michael Vegas, Jessie Andrews, Nora Skyy, Logan Pierce, and Tyler Nixon

DreamZone Entertainment’s Hairy Twatter was written and directed by Jordan Septo. It releases on August 28, 2012. Reserve your copy here.


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Images courtesy of DreamZone Entertainment.

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