Review – Fatt Entertainment’s Pimpin’ 101 (2003)

No, it’s not a typo… Pimpin’ 101 was really and truly released in 2003* by the now-defunct Fatt Entertainment. It’s hardcore, it’s a little bit dated, and it’s hosted by none other than Tracy “Ice-T” Morrow.

Yes – as in the Body Count, O.G. Original Gangster, Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1985), “Law & Order,” and “Ice Loves CoCo” (currently) Ice-T.

You see, my ‘90s-era Lollapalooza-smitten adolescence made me obliquely aware of Body Count; and my current addiction to twitter (follow me at @PVVTweet!!) let me know that Ice-T and CoCo are currently reality show celebronalities. So when, by what can only be described as the luck of the gods, Pimpin’ 101 landed in my lap recently… well, I just had to investigate.

Somehow Fatt Entertainment, early 2000s-era purveyors of digital adult magazines and porn with a hip hop edge, got Ice-T involved with this project. The premise is rather simple: Ice…

(I can call him “Ice,” right? Calling him “Ice-T” over and over feels like I’m addressing him by his full name repeatedly… and we’re old friends, you know?)

The premise is rather simple: Ice hosts a series of expository vignettes wherein he explains six different “types” of hos. Ice describes the characteristics of each ho (incidentally, ho’ing is defined as “having sex for money or profit” at the outset of the film) – the track ho, the carpet ho, the stripper ho, the call girl ho, the wife ho, and the porno ho. Each explanation is followed by a sex scene wherein we get to see each specific sort of ho in action.

Informative!! (??)

Now you may be wondering: “How does playing a detective on a long-standing NBC drama series qualify Ice to speak to these sorts of sex- and business-related characters, characteristics, and occupations?”

Well, as a mentee of Hawaii-area pimp Mac and a fan of Iceberg Slim, Ice seems to be more informed than most. (ok…)

So anyway, here are characterizations of each ho type according to Ice:

The Track Ho – this is your standard-issue street walking prostitute. In this instance, the “track” refers to the street, or public space.

The Carpet Ho – akin to the classic “gold digger,” the carpet ho is looking for tricks with money – celebrities, athletes, wealthy flashy looking whomevers. If you look like you have money to spend, the track ho will seek you out!!

The Stripper Ho – contrary to their frequent characterization as entertainers, strippers are simply another sort of ho (according to Ice). In fact, Chris Rock be damned, stripper hos apparently have even greater intimate contact with tricks than any other sort of ho!! (I had no idea)

The Call Girl Ho – as the name implies, call girl hos are… call girls. These hos are for tricks too timid to buy ass off the street (track hos) and not flashy enough to be spotted by carpet hos.

The Wife Ho – described by Ice as the “most expensive piece of pussy ever,” the wife ho turns the tables on her trick/husband by withholding sex!! This ho needs to be placated with plenty of pay up front in order to ensure she is headache-free come bedtime.

The Porno Ho – similar to wife hos, porno hos also surprise their tricks. You see, although porno hos know how to make freaky sex look awesome on camera, they are generally rather reserved in person. So they’re not going to have wild sex with you (off camera).

According to Ice, this is because porno hos have generally been coerced into sex performance; which consequently, in Ice’s assessment, implies that their survival-based performance freakiness is necessarily juxtaposed with real life shell-shocked frigidity. Hmmm…

(pictured: is Ice a pimp, or does he just act like one?)

According to RottenTomatoes.com, Ice-T provides “fascinating insight into the life of a pimp;” but Zack “Geist Editor” Parsons of SomethingAwful.com is not as impressed… and neither was I.

As I was taken through what can only be described as a far too general, overly simplistic, and somewhat obnoxious series of characterizations of women sex workers in various occupations, I couldn’t help but wonder: “Who the heck does Ice think he is?!!” But given that Ice is, in fact, a professional entertainer, maybe he was just acting like a pimp, carrying out writer/director Tony Diablo’s creative direction? Who knows.

Pimpin’ 101 also included an uncredited appearance by Ice-T’s current wife/then girlfriend, Nicole “CoCo Marie” Austin. CoCo’s presence in the film made this whole mess that much more “interesting” (read: cringe-worthy).

In the very beginning of the film, the far-less-orange-than-she-currently-tends-to-be CoCo is sitting sweetly on Ice’s lap wearing a bikini (well, at least a bikini top). In an effort to illustrate what it is that sets him apart from other men, Ice pulls down one side of her top and licks her nipple. She just sorta sits there. Ummm… ok.

And at the end of the film, Ice “performs” (drunk ass lip synching to and occasional singing over a recording of what I assume to be one of his own songs) into a camera while CoCo sits on a couch near/behind him. It’s an interesting song that seems to convey that CoCo has brought him to a crossroads in life – continue being a pimp (of sorts?) or begin funding a wife ho of his very own. Ice asserts, via song, that he has most certainly not yet decided on the latter… but beneath his manufactured bravado, he seems a little wistful/hopeful about the fact that he’s met someone who’s introduced such a possibility.

Barf.

(or not… I mean, who am I to judge? he’s a sweet old man… err… gangster who seems sincere in his own right… right?)

After Ice has finished his exposition on hos and before his “bonus scene[/performance],” he makes this interesting point: “All of us are hos in one way or another, but very few will ever get a chance to truly pimp.”

What do you think?

 

Recommended for: those who want to be amused and/or depressed? CoCo fans who want to see this mama in her early days? Those who want to learn a little about pimpin’ and hos/sex workers…

…but if you are looking for the last option (re learning about sex workers), I must intercede!! In my professional and sociological doctor opinion, this selection of books provides more nuanced insight into some sex work occupations:

Stripped: Inside the Lives of Exotic Dancers (2006) by Bernadette Barton

Brothel: Mustang Ranch and Its Women (2002) by Alexa Albert

Sex For Sale: Prostitution, Pornography, and the Sex Industry (2009) by Ronald Weitzer

(these are just a few – there are plenty more!! email me!!)

 

Notables

With performances from August, Celine, Cherie, Chloe Black, Obsession, Ryan Conner, Sharon Wild, Guy DiSilva, Mark Anderson, Mark Ashley, Marty Romano, Mr. Marcus, and Rafe. Also, non-sex performances form Ice-T and CoCo-T.

Pimpin’ 101 (produced in 2002 but released in 2003) written and directed by Tony Diablo for Fatt Entertainment. Buy yours here.

There’s some BTS content included with Pimpin’ 101, but I honestly couldn’t bring myself to watch it :(  Also, there is a lot of interesting and seemingly original music in this film from a collection of hip hop artists including Ice-T and Busta Rhymes.

Ice-T’s fairly awful website here.

CoCo’s slightly less awful website here and her twitter at @CoCosWorld.

 

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