Review – Elegant Angel’s Hard Bodies (2011)

Before I started watching Elegant Angel‘s Hard Bodies (2011), I was a little apprehensive – what the heck was I gonna say about it?? Let me explain…

As many of you know, I was extremely compelled by Elegant Angel’s recent film, Portrait of a Call Girl (2011). And for those of you who don’t know, I went on and on… and on!! about it (here, here, and here). But Portrait of a Call Girl is not an EA-typical film…

Elegant Angel is most known for beautiful, highly stylized, and generally relatively hard glam-gonzy* content - things like Anal Workout, Busty Lifeguards, Big Wet Asses/Tits, and various iterations of “Insatiable” and “Unleashed.” Their films generally feature a series of thematically relevant lead-ins prefacing each respective scene. Sometimes the lead-ins are super elaborate, and there’s always awesome music.

*“glam-gonz” is an excellent and clever characterization from the mind of MF – it is not mine, but I love it!!

I could tell from the box that Hard Bodies was gonna be EA-typical to the core – fantastic!! But again… what was I gonna say about it?

Turns out, kind of a significant lot.

Hard Bodies consists of five boy-girl scenes. They all follow the same general format: a hott chic dressed in an outfit that’s way more WTF??-from-American-Apparel than it is Gold’s Gym-appropriate is doing some sort of warm up routine. Water droplets appear from off camera. Then some guy comes in, and they fuck. OK.

Here’re some observations…

Elegant Angel projects are beautiful, “hardcore artistic” even. And although I think the film would have been better titled Skinny Hott Chics in “Workout” Clothes

[at points, some of the girls looked downright ridiculous “working out.” in a couple instances, I was wondering if so-and-so had ever even picked up a piece of gym equipment before. and at one point, I laughed out loud]

(pictured: Lexi Swallow works out)

…I really appreciated 1) everyone’s efforts to capture a hard body/sexy aesthetic and 2) all the creative shots. Naked jump rope and bare-assed squats shot from below? Yeah… you’re just gonna have to watch for yourself.

And the sex? Holy goodness!! Asa Akira and Kristina Rose each have a scene with Nacho Vidal, and both were amazingly intense.** In Kristina’s scene, however, Nacho’s “Nacho Extreme” got to be a little too much for me. Just a matter of preference though, as both women seem overjoyed throughout.

**I am really really really not into that thing Nacho does… you know that thing… and he does it in both scenes.

The lead in for Dana DeArmond’s scene with Manuel Ferrara was pretty adorable. She’s all smiles on the eliptical machine, and then she proceeds to match Manuel very well. This was the best scene in Hard Bodies, in my opinion, because of the partners’ very well-balanced intensity.

Lexi Swallow’s scene with Mick Blue and cover girl Nicole Aniston’s scene with Erik Everhard were both good, but they (the women and the men) seemed like cute little kittens playing with string compared to Asa, Kristina, and Dana.

And then it ended. And I sat for a moment wondering… wondering… what did I just watch?

(pictured: Dana DeArmond works out)

And then it came to me – experience.

A quick run down on IAFD confirmed what was subtly revealed to me as Hard Bodies unfolded (and honestly, what I actually already knew, though I didn’t know I would be getting a literal demonstration of it this evening).

Hard Bodies achieves a measure of balance by juxtaposing relatively less experienced women performers (Lexi and Nicole) in gentler scenes with relatively more experienced women performers (Asa, Kristina, and Dana) in scenes that were, for the most part, pretty dang hard.

It was very interesting for me to see this balance emerge by the end of the film, and I wondered how much of it was on purpose… but then I realized – duh, of course it was on purpose!! Manuel Ferrara, who is known to be one of the most intense performers out there, was not coupled with Nicole Aniston, who is just starting to come up. Nor was he paired with Lexi Swallow. Neither would not have worked, but Dana… now, that’s different. Same goes for Asa and Kristina with Nacho.

So what Hard Bodies points to, in my view, is one element (casting, specifically) of the craft that goes in to the preparatory work required to create a well-balanced film, adult or otherwise. It’s one of those things people don’t really think about, but it’s integral to the final product.

(pictured: Kristina Rose works out)

Recommended for: those looking for very professional, stylized content that’s on the harder end of the spectrum – Hard Bodies is not for porn amateurs. Anyone who’s especially into a performer featured in this collection of scenes will be happy as well.


Girls: Asa Akira, Lexi Swallow, Kristina Rose, Nicole Aniston, and Dana DeArmond

Guys: Manuel Ferrara, Mick Blue, Erik Everhard, and Nacho Vidal

Elegant Angel‘s Hard Bodies was directed by Sam No and released in August, 2011. Buy your copy here.

BTS/Extras: standard gallery and trailers. Any more would be unnecessary.

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Images courtesy of Elegant Angel.

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