Review – don’t judge a film by its (box) cover

You can’t judge a book by its cover, and apparently you can’t judge (all) porn by what may be an ick-inducing box cover image.

Cases in point: Digital Sin’s Lollipop Girls Volume 2 (2012), Wicked Pictures’ Lolita (2010), and Smash Pictures’ Naughty Nanny #3 (2011). Let’s consider each one, shall we…

 

Icky Box Cover #1: Lollipop Girls Volume 2

Sugar near one’s vagina is not a good idea. Why else would there be sugar-free lube?

So when I saw all the lollipops and lollipop-residue coated tongues on Lollipop Girls‘ box art, I wasn’t thinking “sticky sexy” – quite the opposite actually.

At first glance, Volume 2 looked like She’s So Cute with a yeast infection – ick. Consequently, I was prepared to be grossed out by this movie. But it actually wasn’t that bad.

In spite of my pre-amped revulsion over the high fructose corn syrup, Mischa Brooks’ candy-bondage (for reals) scene with Micheal Vegas and Tracey Sweet’s scene with Xander Corvus were unexpected good surprises.

And though I find myself moderately miffed at what appears to be some Digital Sin schtick (four new scenes plus two thematically-related yet most certainly previously released bonuses), this collection rounded itself out well. Although my own sense of self will not allow me to let the dextrose/maltodextrin/saccharose thing go, the collection itself was decent… if you’re into that sort of thing.

*a side note on Tracey Sweet: silly name, baby face, and so few scenes credits (14 at the time of looking today) that the porn moves this girl already has at her disposal were startling… and impressive!!

 

Icky Box Cover #2: Lolita

When I think of Lolita, I think of this:

…and maybe sometimes this:

So considering, I guess that sometimes when I think of Lolita I even think of this (though I’m not sure how I feel about it):

But regardless, when I do think of Lolita, the absolute last thing I want to envision is this:

Unfortunately though, that’s exactly what this…

…made me do!!

For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, feel free to google around. As far as I know, no one pictured here has been found guilty of anything… so maybe I should just keep my “yuck”s to myself. No – yuck.

This entire string of logic is extra somewhat of a bummer though, as Wicked’s Lolita is actually quite good. It’s unfortunate that some people – I’m not naming names – had to ruin a collection of very high quality, sexy stylized performances (specifically standout were those from Aleksa Nicole, Kaylani Lei, and Madison Ivy).

 

Icky Box Cover #3: Naughty Nanny #3

What in the name of high holy hell is this????:

For those of you who looked away (or for those of you who can’t look away), this is Faye Reagan. She’s wearing some sort of romper thing and holding a baby bottle. At first glance, this image looks like every sort of problematic, infantilizing/pedophile, creeper fail imaginable…

…except that when you take the time to watch the scene, it’s actually really funny.

You see, Faye is playing a nanny in this film. That’s why she has the bottle – she’s taking it to some kid (there are no kids present in this movie). Further, Faye is also a naughty nanny – that’s why she’s dressed in what’s actually some sort of slutty nanny-cam outfit. She puts the kids to bed and then dances around, sighing and dusting for her show… get it?!!

And then Mr. Stone (Evan Stone) comes home and catches her…

It seems to me that people either love or don’t really care for Faye Reagan. There’s no middle ground. If you like her simpers and squeaks and general schtick, then you will love this scene; however, I think her performance here will also crack up/charm even the biggest haters… and the most intense housecleaning and childcare purists!!

And though Faye is the clear highlight Naughty Nanny #3, this film is filled with solid scenes. I was, however, extremely disappointed that we didn’t get to see Tommy Gunn wearing the baby bonnet – it’s all over the back of the box!! Tease.

(pictured: that stroller is empty, Lily Carter!!)

In sum, the lesson here is that you gotta take the time to explore. On the basis of their covers alone, each of these films was thrown unceremoniously into the recesses of my closet (totally figurative – I’m obsessively organized). But that’s extremely limiting.

It takes a little bit of effort and a little bit watching to see what’s actually going on. That doesn’t mean it will always be as pleasant as Faye and her nanny cam, but you simply cannot judge a film by its box cover alone.

 

Lollipop Girls Volume 2 (2012)

With performances by Casi James (as Mandy Armani), Mischa Brooks, Tracey Sweet, Trinity St. Clair, Danny Mountain, Michael Vegas, and Xander Corvus.

Directed by Eddie Powell for Digital Sin. Released in March, 2012. Buy your copy here.

 

Lolita (2010)

With performances by Aleksa Nicole (as Alexa Nicole), Breanne Benson, Kaylani Lei, Lupe Fuentes, Madison Ivy, Sienna Milano, Cassandra Cruz, Brad Armstrong, Randy Spears, Seth Gamble, Spyder Jonez, and Tommy Gunn.

Directed by Brad Armstrong for Wicked Pictures. Released in November, 2010. Buy your copy here.

 

Naughty Nanny #3 (2011)

With performances by Angelica Raven, Bibi Jones (as Britney Beth), Faye Reagan, Jynx Maze, Lily Carter, Alec Knight, Evan Stone, Jack Lawrence, Tommy Gunn, and Xander Corvus.

Directed by Jim Powers for Smash Pictures. Released in February, 2011. Buy your copy here.

 

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