Review – Sex & the City vs… Sex and the City!!

I have a confession: I loved “Sex and the City.”

I know, I know – for shame!!  …but except that I really did love it.  It may be passé and cliché and super lame now (or not), but “SATC” really was incredible, and incredibly meaningful, back in the day.

I remember being so wrapped up in the drama between Carrie, Mr. Big, and Aiden; and I was horrified when she moved to Paris with the Russian. I got a little misty eyed when Samantha went out with a newly shorn Smith as Lil’ Kim… and when Charlotte went to Brady’s birthday party… and during quite a few other tear jerker moments that came towards the end of the series.

Although there were myriad problematic elements embedded all over that narrative, I laughed my ass off a million and one times over the course of six seasons. And – I’m gonna go ahead and say it – I would endlessly obsess over which one of the ladies best personified me (I was definitely a 50/50 Miranda/Samantha)… sigh.

I loved “Sex and the City” so much that I went and saw the four-years-later SATC movie back in 2008. And while I can say with easy confidence that the first film was no where near as horrible the second (which I shamefully spent money to see), this marked the beginning of the end of my love affair with “Sex and the City.”

…so when not one but two “SATC”-based adult parodies arrived in the mail recently, I eyed them with suspicious trepidation.  Were these films intended only to torture me?  Would viewing them bring me nothing but heartbreak?! Let’s find out, shall we…Sex & the City: The Original XXX Parody (2010) from New Sensations is basically a hardcore version of the show (yes!!), with a little bit of over-the-top sass written in to placate any suffering boyfriends.  In this SATC, Carrie (Kayla Paige) is trying to decide if she wants to follow all 10 inches of Mr. Big (Evan Stone – duh!!) to Los Angeles. Her girls are understandably distressed, and they spend the duration of the film lamenting the potential loss of their sounding board in their own special ways.

 

These “special ways” include Miranda (Zoe Voss) and Steve (Tommy Pistol) bringing a little Stanton Island sweetie (Coco Velvett, who does a hilarious Nanny-named-Fran accent) into their sexual mix, and Charlotte (Bobbi Starr) giving up a little anal action to her “Harry” (Ralph Long) in exchange for him listening to her talk about her friends… all night long – pretty dang funny!!

New Sensations’ SATC is a fantastic homage to the show, with a cute script, excellent casting throughout (Brittany Andrews is a born Samantha), and some damn fine sex sprinkled in for good measure. Altogether awesome!! Check out the film’s trailer just for fun:

 

Sex and the City (the XXX parody): In Search of the Screaming O (2010) from DreamZone is quite a bit different.  In this SATC, the girls are all excited about the debut of their new invention – the vibrating cock ring.  The entire film is a sort of walk down memory lane as each woman recounts a sexual experience that somehow contributed to the product’s development… Unfortunately, the plot makes very little sense – it’s more of a long silly commercial for Screaming O goodies than anything else, and the heavy-handed product placement got reeeeally tedious.


But the DreamZone SATC does have some redeeming qualities, the main ones being the instructional and sex-positive messages buried beneath the cock ring ad.

A lot of time is spent throughout the film applying (??) and using the rings, which is certainly helpful for people who have never played with one; and each SATC lady broaches the cock ring subject with her guy in a different way.  From Samantha’s “Oh yeah, I like that”-type approach to Carrie’s “It’s not that you don’t satisfy me, it’s just that this might be fun too”-type line, viewers get some rudimentary suggestions as to how such a toy may be brought into the bedroom. Oh and there’s a sample ring included in the film’s packaging just in case you want to try it out – win!!

So, in sum, New Sensations’ take on SATC is definitely the better adult parody – purists will be happy with the story and acting and well worked in fucking, it’s funny, and there’s enough good-natured snark to keep even the most begrudging of boyfriends happy (or at least quiet).  DreamZone’s take on SATC is more of a commercial, but it could definitely be of use for those of us not yet comfortable with snappin’ on a jelly ring and pressing “buzz.”

Notables

SATCDreamZone

Girls: Monique Alexander, Sunny Lane, Jewels Jade, and Audrey Lords

Guys: Kris Slater, Danny Mountain, Rocco Reed, Johnny Castle, and Dale DaBone

Directed by Jim Enright. Released September, 2010

Features some interesting commentary from director/producer Jim Enright and comes with a disposable vibrating Screaming O ring ;)

 

SATCNew Sensations

Girls: Kayla Paige, Brittany Andrews, Zoe Voss, Bobbi Starr, and Coco Velvett

Guys: Evan Stone, Ralph Long, Tommy Pistol, and Danny Mountain (again!)

Directed by Lee Roy Myers. Released August, 2010

Also features include a bonus scene with Diamond Foxx and Billy Glide, a soft “party version” of the film, and other standard BTS fare.

 

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