PVV – Monster Cock VS Porn Star Penis VS …Average Joe?

*disclaimer – this article is not a review of penises, real or otherwise.

Recently, I ran into RB in the lobby of “Playtime Products,” a leading manufacturer of adult novelties (fyi, that’s porno speak for “sex toys”).  I was super excited to see R, as it had been a while, so we spent a good 5 or so minutes chatting before it occurred to me to ask him why the heck he was there in the first place (what I was doing there is irrelevant).

I seems that R was at Playtime that day to pick up his penis… and by that I mean the realistic, 7 inch (“actual size”), insertable, waterproof, harness compatible, phthalate free, “novelty” (which comes complete with hand-painted pink tip and true-to-life saggy balls!) that was modeled after his real life cock.

I had to giggle – why did he need two of them!!?

But that’s another story that has nothing to do with this one, and honestly I didn’t think much of it after R and I parted ways.  It’s not so uncommon for men who are performers of his caliber to have their own novelty dildo dong thing, and I’ve long since given up trying to figure out why anyone would want two penises instead of one… or three… or vice versa… or otherwise.

And then, this past weekend, an announcement of epically average proportions found its way into my inbox. It seems that Topco Sales, another leading adult novelty manufacturer, has just launched its “Average Joe” line of realistic dongs rendered in more… umm… “average” sizes …because “not everyone wants to play with a porn size cock.”*

The line features six different dongs, all of which are realistic, waterproof, phthalate free, and harness compatible.  The most amazing part – each “man” has a name and some sort of identity attached to it.  For example, there is Victor, The Construction Worker; and Darnell, The Fitness Instructor. Five of the six “men” measure in at an impressively average six inches. One guy, Andy (The Mechanic), brings it with an even more realistic 5.5.

To this announcement, I can only say: the universe has spoken once again. We clearly need to think some about the novelty dildo and the balance between Porn Star Penises, Average Joes, and the ever elusive and slightly intimidating (at least to this girl) Monster Cock.

There seems to be a wide range of available dongs out there.  A quick search of “dildo sex toys” at adamevetoys.com reveals everything from the 5.5 inch long, 1 inch thick pretty pink “Femme Rubber Dildo” to the 11 inch long, 2 inch thick “Double Bullet Jumbo Dildo;” from “Carmen’s 8.5 inch long Fun Cock: EXTRA LARGE” (1.5 inches thick, fyi) to the 15 inch long, 2 inch thick “King Kong Dildo” – their “biggest dildo ever!”

Now granted, the King Kong Dildo is co-marketed as a gag novelty (hehe); but you only have to look a little further at adammale.com to find the “BlackBalled Sensafirm Megacock” (11 inches long, 3 inches thick).  This guy comes with a safety disclaimer, which is not at all the same as King Kong’s gag order.

But enough cocky semantic banter (heee!! ok…).  Consider this: the real-world approximate average erect penis length for a human male is 5 to 6 inches.  But in the world of novelty dildo dong cock-ness, “average” falls on the small end of the spectrum… the pretty pink safe “beginner” end.  Leading talent in straight porn aren’t really packin’ that much more… I mean, if I were to put RB’s over-average cock into bra size terms, would it be like going up a cup size? Like the average is B, but his 7 inch penis means he has Cs? Some boy explain it to me!! And it seems like once you drift up much beyond the 8 or 9 inch range, things are marketed as “expert” and/or “not for beginners.”

So real penises in sex toy world are size small, and anything progressively larger is for the more advanced user?  This would seem to be the case.  Now, don’t get me wrong: I am in no way objecting to 11 inches of harness-ready awesome, but this spectrum and how it relates to reality got me thinking…

People often talk about the disconnect between women and sex in porn and “real” women and “real” sex, highlighting the presumably negative effects this disconnect has on the wider social world.  I find this type of rhetoric to be somewhat problematic, if for no other reason than the people in porn are themselves completely “real,” as is the sex that they are having.  But this discussion is for another time.

What I wonder about here though is what effect does sex toy marketing have on men?  Not to say that I think it necessarily has any, but clearly “fantasy” is different from reality in this respect.  If one is concerned with the effects of adult imagery on women, why not also worry about the effects a girl-girl scene featuring a “Foot Long Double Dildo” (1.5 inches thick) may have on Andy the mechanic?

*quote from Miranda Lancaster, Product Development Project Manager for Topco Sales, was included in Topco’s September 27, 2010 press release regarding the “Average Joe” line.

(pictured above: the Lex Steele InterRacial EZ Bend Dual Dong, sans packaging)

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You may quote anything herein with the following attribution: “Reprinted from Porn Valley Vantage, copyright © Chauntelle Anne Tibbals, PhD (www.pornvalleyvantage.com).”

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