Occasionally, I like to blast you all with bunches of news stories that have come to my attention and are somehow socio-porno relevant (ie the original “…mad curatin’“). Here are some interesting things that’ve been going on…
1. LiLo, the Fleshlight!!
Oh Lindsay… I remember The Parent Trap (1998) and I remember Mean Girls (2004) – I really liked both. And although in my mind Hailey Mills will always be better at being twins, that cute little freckle-faced girl/adorable adolescent you once were has grown up into woman with a series of problems that even the best handlers apparently can’t contain.
(pictured: LiLo from no idea when)
I don’t follow Lindsay Lohan all that much, but apparently she’s now totally busted financially, may have to serve something like 24 (24!!) whole hours in jail after repeatedly getting in trouble with the law, and has become a pariah in a world wherein once she was golden. It’s pretty sad and simultaneously aggravating in a whole “pull your shit together honey!! so many people out there deal with so much worse… gracefully” kind of way.
But all hope is not lost!! Our girl has gotten some exciting offers recently… from Playboy and – better – from Fleshlight.
Fleshlight is a brand of boy sex toys. They’re named for their oversized flashlight-looking casings and the flesh-like prize inside. Specifically, the inners of a Fleshlight are filled with phthalate-free goodness topped by mouth, pussy, and ass orifices for… well, you know. Fleshlights come in all sorts of fun varieties – ice/crystal see-through, different internal textures (for your own custom “ride”), with vibration, scary monster versions (just in case you want to fuck an alien or a zombie or something), and as Fleshjacks (mouths and asses of other boys). Their website (here) is really worth checking out – so interesting!!
(pictured: if I had a penis, I would totally go for the one with the fangs!!)
Fleshlight also has a series of “Fleshlight Girls” – exact molds of some top adult performers’ most intimate parts. Asa Akira, Stoya, Jenna Haze, Lisa Ann, Tory Black, Riley Steele, and Jesse Jane are only some of the ladies already immortalized in the quintessential can. (they also have “Fleshlight Girls Euro” – same idea, just European performers)
Ms. Lindsay is clearly in crisis, and she’s been there for a while now… and I can’t help thinking about the world watching a train wreck go down in flames. I don’t generally feel very well about poking at a person who is so obviously in duress even if they are willfully digging their own grave (I recall feeling similarly with Hustler’s Untrue Hollywood Stories: Lindsay Lohan a couple years back), and Fleshlight seems to be doing just that. Although their offer doesn’t feel on par to making a parody of Lindsay’s troubles and/or offering her money to do porn or something, this possibility (if chosen) will likely just perpetuate this girl’s already serious problems. Because really – what’s Lindsay going to do with all that money? Go to rehab? Counseling?
It is not Fleshlight’s responsibility to pull that girl together; but still… maybe forgo the LiLo Light and just make a new line called “Jailbirds”… or “Ginger Snaps”… or something?
(pictures: Lindsay through the ages…)
2. Texas Vibrator Massacre – not OK for Canada, eh?
Recently, I came across an article in the Seattle Weekly‘s “Immigration” (??) blog entitled “Visiting Canada? Here’s a Partial List of Porn Films You Can and Cannot Bring” – wow!!
According to the author, Curtis Cartier, some porn titles are deemed OK to bring in to Canada. Others, decidedly, are not. The author provides six titles that are supposedly acceptable – A Nightmare on Twink Street; Defiled: Anonymous Internet Sex Addiction; Don’t Tell Mommy I Fucked My Stepdad; S&M Hunter; Cotton Panty Girls; and Virgin Auction…
…and six more that are NOT – I Told You Not To Call The Police; Fist and Piss; Cougar Time; Oh! My Sex Goddess; It’s OK, She’s My Stepdaughter; and the aforementioned – Rob Rotten’s Punx Productions’ Texas Vibrator Massacre (2008).
I glanced through the list, which is only three pages long and also includes video games and comic books, and could make no rhyme or reason of the patterns therein (the fact that there was only a handful of titles listed notwithstanding). This little Canadian puzzle is going to require more investigating…
And incidentally, here’s the trailer for Texas Vibrator Massacre… because you know you’re curious!!
3. You’re just jealous…
So recently, Digital Playground contract girl Bibi Jones posted some pictures of herself wearing some football guy’s football shirt on Twitter. Said football guy was also in the picture(s)… obviously not wearing a shirt. (story here)
This caused some freak out as Rob Gronkowski (the football guy) was blasted for sullying the New England Patriot’s image, and Ms. Bibi’s involvement with agents and various other professional athletes and the like was called in to question.
But my question is, of course, so what?
So what if this guy let some chic wear his top, and so what if people don’t like her job? He clearly liked her and/or her job just a little bit for at least a little while or why else would he have let her wear his jersey?!! (because he wanted more Twitter followers?)
I wonder how the public’s reaction to these pics would have differed had Bibi been some other Ms. Jones, like Ms. Jones the bank teller or something? Because it doesn’t seem to me that this issue is so much about a sullied image as it is about an “All-American” football dude hanging out with an adult performer – something the general public both wants to do and wants to hate.
Interesting News – news that’s interesting!!
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